Rules of Engagement

Here is a general guideline to my personal code of ethics with regards to BDSM

The things with which I will not fuck

My Integrity
My Compassion
My Accountability
My Purpose

---

Submissive Responses

Submission is reflexive in my body
Submission manifests unconsciously
I allow for all submissive responses, as I enjoy the feeling of them in my body
My Work around submission is to cultivate it consciously and express it appropriately

I distinguish between submission and subspace.

As a matter of integrity, I will only express submission towards someone with consent. Generally, this consent builds over time and often over a meal or several.

I have been known to stop scenes due to nonconsensual submissive responses. This has happened many, many times in the last decade.

---

D/S and Service-oriented behaviors

I engage in D/S activities with consent.
I express a great deal of service-oriented behavior.

I ONLY offer service from a place of submission with consent. If I find that I’ve behaved from a place of submission and we haven’t had an explicit conversation resulting in consent, you will know it because I will make a direct apology to you.

In the last decade, I have made one such apology.

---

Body-based Consent

I see this as an ongoing dialogue, based on whatever is happening with whomever at whichever time. It’s usual for there to be coffee, tea, snacks, or dinner involved during these conversations.

AND…..
There are a few people, for whom my body-based consent is in perpetuity. It is in the realm of possibility for us to be somewhere and for someone you don’t know to walk up to me and do something to/with me.

The people with perpetual consent know what I look like in subspace, when I’m in submission, when I’m in service, and any and all Relationships of Significance.

They will respect you and any boundaries you and I create together

---

(Non)monogamy

Assuming you are not living in a cave alone, there are other people in your life.
My deduction, based on the fact that you are not living in a cave, is, therefore, that you are non-monogamous.
I am non-monogamous as well, because I do not live alone in a cave.
Beyond that, we can talk ; probably over a meal.

My strong tendency in deep D/s is to pair bond monogamously.
It is probable that future deep, long-term D/s relationships are going to be mono-amorous
Mono-amorous means something specific to me. We can talk about that over a meal or several.
Probability is not Predestiny

---

Clearly it is wise to feed the Bendy